Working title

Author: Stephen Kilcoyne

  • K is for…so many things…

    K is for…so many things…

    I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing. Today is K.

    Maybe it’s just kainotophobia, but I want to drink a kilderkin of scotch when I think about the elections. The expert predictions might as well be based on kephalonomancy or keraunoscopia.

    People are predicting that after (or maybe before) the election, the GOP will go kablooey, but I don’t see that happening. Regardless of who wins the White House, we need to eliminate the current kakistocracy (or is it a kleptocracy?) and the kulturkampf. In terms of justice, maybe it’s time for a kritarchy.

    The republican debates have been nothing but kinderspiel, but with foul language, and I’d love to do a kinesics study on the whole lot of them.

    Kudos to Bush and Rubio for figuring out when to bow out, but based on their rally attendance, it might just have been kenophobia. Kasich, it’s time to cry Kamerad.

    Unfortunately, many people’s votes are based on recognition, which might explain the kenspeckle Trump’s success. He’s offered no substantive ideas, so his supporters seem to be a case study in kenodoxy. He’s clearly motivated by his ego, but I wonder if there’s a touch of kakorrhaphiophobia involved too. Lately he’s losing his footing – maybe his staff needs a kriegspiel to learn some strategy. It’s pretty funny his kids forgot to register to vote. Could the kids be kidding (or protesting)?

    Cruz looks like a kempt kinkajou, and his faux kerygmatic preaching is getting on my nerves. Every time I hear him speak, I find myself knubbling the desk (pretending it’s him), and I’d like to see him knocked on his keester.

    Compared to the republicans, the dems seem almost kissy-huggy. People think Sanders is the white knight, but I don’t know. I do know Clinton isn’t the kraken people make her out to be.

    Maybe I’ll take up kickboxing. Or maybe I’ll just pack my kicks and kayak up to Canada.

  • J is for Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, and the Jayhawks

    J is for Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, and the Jayhawks

    I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing. Today is J.

    The names in the title are three of my go-to Pandora choices when I need to get work done. By no means a comprehensive list, but they conveniently begin with J. And of course, it’s those artists and artists like them.

    Right now I’m listening to a song called Banana Pancakes.  (Ironic lyrics: “…this song is meant to keep ya from doing what you’re supposed to”).

    The beauty of Pandora is that you discover artists you didn’t know – something you used to be able to do listening to the radio. I’m pretty sure I discovered Jack Johnson on the Jason Mraz station. Don’t know how I became aware of Jason Mraz.

    Of course we also used to have these places called record stores. I distinctly remember hearing the Jayhawks for the first time in Tower Records in Manhattan – early 90s I guess, I think it was Take Me With You When You Go. I walked out with 2 Jayhawks CDs.

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    The Jayhawks which were my intro to alt-country – Uncle Tupelo, Wilco, Old 97s, and of course Hank III.

    Almost midnight gotta get this posted – that’s it for the brief musical tour of my psyche.

     

  • I is for Ice Cream

    I is for Ice Cream

    I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing. Today is I.

    Not much to write tonight – just a recommendation.

    If you like ice cream (and who doesn’t like ice cream?), and you find yourself anywhere near Mount Olive, NJ, check out Das Creamery on Route 46. They serve up the most unusual, unexpected ice cream flavors I’ve ever seen. Flavors like lemon peppercorn, maple sage, black licorice, and ghost chocolate.

    My personal favorite so far – Colombian Cookies & Cream – oreo cookie ice cream made with coffee ice cream. Perfect combo.

    They introduce new flavors pretty often, so each time I go in, there’s at least a few flavors I haven’t tried yet, so I wind up trying something new just about every time I go in. And so far, every one has been great.

    Don’t wait until you’re in the neighborhood. Make the trip.

     

     

  • H is for Homophobia, Hate Laws, and Nikki Haley

    H is for Homophobia, Hate Laws, and Nikki Haley

    I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing. Today is H.

    In North Carolina, they pushed through what they’re calling the bathroom bill. Among other things, it states that people must use public bathrooms that correspond to their gender at birth. The completely unreasonable reason for this is to prevent men who are not transgender from pretending to be transgender in order to sneak into women’s restrooms. So basically, they’re punishing actual transgender people in order to safeguard against theoretical fake transgender people.

    It’s important to note that this has never happened. Not once. They passed a law to address a non-existent problem. Also worth noting, they gave no consideration to how the law might be enforced. Local police departments have no idea what they’re supposed to do with this.

    And while they were at it, they banned all local nondiscrimination laws. So the only problem addressed by this law was that some communities were treating the LGBT community with respect and taking steps to ensure their safety. And they couldn’t abide that.

    And while not solving their non-problem, they created problems in the form of boycotts. PayPal cancelled plans to spend millions on a new facility and hire 400 or so people. Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band cancelled a concert. Movie studios and TV crews are cancelling plans to film in the state. All of this was completely predictable. It happened in Indiana.

    Similar laws are popping up in other southern states. They accomplish nothing but sending a message to the LGBT community that they are not welcome and they will not be protected by the government in these states.

    Earlier this week, Nikki Haley, governor of South Carolina, where a similar law is in the works, stated it was an unnecessary law, and pointed out the fact that there had been no reports of the issue the law supposedly addressed.

    Hopefully other governors follow suit. Let the legislatures huff and puff as much as they want, then squash this nonsense.

  • G is for Goldfinches and Other State Symbols

    G is for Goldfinches and Other State Symbols

    I’m doing this Blogging A to Z thing. Today is G.

    The Tennessee legislature is trying to designate the Holy Bible as its official state book. Even the governor and attorney general of Tennessee are saying that’s unconstitutional. Also inconsequential; just a bit of election year posturing.

    New Jersey’s state bird, for instance, is the Eastern Goldfinch and our state dinosaur is the hadrosaurus foulkii. Neither of these creates any obligation on my part as a citizen of NJ (but I did actually know both without looking them up). If we were to choose a state book, it wouldn’t really affect me in any substantial way.

    But it got me thinking about other state symbols, so I Googled them, as you do, and found a few interesting facts.

    State books are actually really uncommon. I only found 2 state books and they’re both children’s books.

    Square dancing is the state dance or state folk dance in 24 states, including New Jersey. I wonder if that’s why they made us square dance in gym class. North Carolina has both a state folk dance (clogging) and a state popular dance (the shag). I can’t help wondering if the shag is still as popular as it was when they made that designation.

    Milk is a very common state beverage, which creates no obligation to actually drink milk. I suspect the Dairy Council was involved in those designations. Indiana seems almost daring in their choice of water.

    I thought NJ having a state dinosaur was odd, but across the country, there are 53 state dinosaurs and/or fossils. 30 states have official state soils, where I imagine said fossils were found.

    State tartans are a thing in 22 states. Alabama has an official state Renaissance Faire. Several states have poets laureate, but only Connecticut has a state troubadour.

    New Mexico’s state cookie is the biscochito. Minnesota’s state muffin is blueberry. Georgia’s state prepared food is grits. I happen to like grits, but state prepared food?

    Missouri’s state invertebrate is the crayfish. The state bug (not insect) of New York is the very specific 9-spotted Ladybug. There are a few other ladybugs and lots of butterflies and bumblebees among the other states’ official crawling and flying things. New Jersey’s state butterfly is the totally badass black swallowtail.

    Oklahoma has a state rock song, and it’s by the Flaming Lips. Arizona has an official alternate state anthem – in case the original state anthem becomes somehow unable to fulfill its duties, I guess.

    New Hampshire has 10 state songs. Not to be outdone, Tennessee has 13, including Rocky Top, a song I heard 400 or so times one New Years’ Eve in a piano bar in Dallas.

    John Denver is responsible for state songs of both Colorado (Rocky Mountain High) and West Virginia (Take Me Home Country Roads). I was surprised that NJ – home of Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Queen Latifah, and so many others – does not have a state song.

    Maybe I’ll petition the legislature to get on that.

  • F is for Fifties (Mine, Not the Decade)

    F is for Fifties (Mine, Not the Decade)

    I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing. Today is F. Also TBT.

    I turned 50 last year. This was me on my 50th birthday, taking a break from shoveling.

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    I probably spent a good chunk of that day muttering “I’m too old for this crap.” The truth is, for a guy in his 50’s, I’m pretty healthy. (I’ve got a stack of paper half an inch high to back that claim thanks to a new doctor who wanted base line numbers.)

    I won’t say in good shape, because I’ve gained some weight. That’s me today.

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    And I’m not completely without age-related issues. I’ve got no cartilage in one shoulder (a.k.a. osteoarthritis). I can still shovel snow, but I have a good excuse reason to not play softball. And I suck at softball, so that’s a win all around.

    I have high blood pressure, but it’s not that high, and it’s under control. Keeping it that way motivates me to exercise often, and to see my doctor regularly, which are both good things. And to eat more salad, but with less dressing. Also a good thing.

    (Here’s a fun fact – the potato chips at Panera have way less sodium than the bread.)

    I’ve also got male pattern baldness and white hair, but the former started in high school and the latter in my 20s, so I don’t really associate them with age. If anything, I’m finally at the age where they look right.

    Aside from that: I’m gainfully employed. I’ve got a daughter who is about to graduate high school with multiple college scholarship offers and who still enjoys my company. I’m single, but I’m still friends (at least Facebook friends) with all of my significant previous significant others.

    So there you have it – my fifties so far in a nutshell. No softball, more salad, my looks match my age, my kid and my exes still like me. Also, I’m eligible for old-people discounts.

    I’ll take it.

  • E is for Eating Out

    E is for Eating Out

    I’m doing this Blogging A to Z thing. Today is E. 

    Eating out – really stretching for this one. :)

    My daughter’s got the week off from school, so we got together for dinner tonight.

    We normally spend weekends together, and spend a lot of that time running around doing things – even just mundane things like running errands and going to the gym – so we end up eating out or picking up takeout more than we should. And we tend to go to the same four or five places all the time, which gets a little dull.

    It’s not like we’re eating McDonald’s and pizza every weekend. Our go-to places include a Thai fusion place, a falafel joint, Panera if we just want salads. Generally healthy, but same-old, same-old.

    So tonight, we went somewhere we don’t go very often – a Chinese place called Hunan Taste. Chinese food isn’t all that unusual, but when you’re used to dicey takeout, a sit down place with good food and service is a nice change.

    My daughter had chicken and broccoli, which didn’t even vaguely resemble the takeout equivalent. I had basil chicken, which is something I’d never heard of before. It had lots of garlic, ginger, and basil (obviously). Delicious.

    And of course, we got a little dessert wisdom. Words to live by.

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  • D is for Driving Home

    D is for Driving Home

    I’m doing this Blogging from A to Z thing. Today is D.

    “Take the left lane to keep right.”

    Wait, what…?

    That was an actual direction Google Maps gave me on the way home tonight.

    I live 50 miles from my office. Obviously, I know my way home. But with both the home and the office being in the northern, more crowded, end of our most densely populated state, the likelihood of a traffic mess somewhere along the route on any given day is pretty good.

    So the phone goes up on the dashboard mount as soon as I get in the car, and I say “OK, Google Now…navigate home.” (And yes, I know how silly it sounds. But you need five syllables to get the phone’s attention to use voice control and everything else I tried sounded even sillier. And yes, I know I could launch the app manually, but what fun is that?)

    Google Maps finds the best route and occasionally tells me things like “We’ve found a faster route,” or, sadly, because I live in New Jersey, “There’s a 35-minute slow down ahead caused by an accident. You are still on the fastest route.”

    And then I use the really bad words that used to require a dollar contribution to the curse jar that sat in the back seat when my daughter was little.

     

  • C is for Coffee

    C is for Coffee

     

    So I’m doing this blogging A to Z thing for the month of April. I get Sundays off. Day 3 – C.

    “Hey, Steve, how do yo like your coffee?”

    “Black, like I like…” OK, not going there.

    I was 15 or 16 when I started drinking coffee. Mountain Dew just wasn’t making me jumpy enough. At the deli where I worked, “regular” coffee meant milk and sugar. I was a regular guy (yeah, not really…), so I started drinking regular coffee.

    I switched to black about 10 years ago. Along with the unlimited carrot sticks, Weight Watchers lets you drink as much black coffee as you want. As my waistline clearly shows, I’ve long since given up subsisting on carrot sticks, but I’ve fully embraced the black coffee.

    People tend to be a little incredulous when I say I drink black coffee. They make that face babies make when you feed them lemons and say “Reeaally? I have milk…” Then I have to convince them I actually prefer it black.

    Similar conversations start when I say “Scotch, neat.” “Reeaally? I have ice…”

    My parents were half ‘n half people. No bread in the house? No big deal – there were kids with bicycles living there. No half ‘n half in the house? GET IN THE CAR!!

    So one day when I was about 10 years old, I was in the A&P with my dad – probably on an emergency half ‘n half run – and asked, “What exactly is half ‘n half?”

    Dad, in his best terrible Dick Van Dyke cockney: “It’s aff me wife’s and aff me own.”

    Ba dum bum! Best dad joke ever.

    As someone who actually prefers my coffee with nothing but a mug, here’s my purely subjective rundown on take-out coffee, starting with the best:

    1. Quick Chek.
    2. Dunkin’ Donuts – better on ice.
    3. 7-11.
    4. Everyone else.
    5. Starbucks. Way too bitter to drink black, but good if you want to add a bunch of stuff to it and skip dessert.
  • B is for Baking

    B is for Baking

    Blogging A to Z (link over on the left). Day 2 – B.

     

    I’ve always cooked, and I’m pretty good at it. Working in food service all through high school and college, you pick up a few things. So, in my kitchen, recipes are suggestions, not instructions.

    I rarely baked, though, and when I did, it was always something that came in a mix – Bisquick pancakes, Jiffy muffins, Nestle Toll House cookies in a roll, etc. My reluctance to bake stems from the fact that you can’t adjust as you go. If I’ve got a sauce that doesn’t taste the way I want it, or isn’t the right consistency, I can fix that. Once a pie is in the oven – you just have to hope for the best.

    Then a few years ago, my sister who hosts Thanksgiving every year asked me to bring dessert. I made apple pie, pumpkin pie, and pumpkin bread pudding. And they all turned out really well.

    12308065_10205427270070248_8486197538395488188_oOn subsequent holidays, I tried other desserts, and over time, dessert has become my thing. I don’t do fancy decorations, and sometimes the things I bake look a little weird, but they always taste good.

    10410152_10203620736108028_4858508765681972284_nRecently the challenge has been coming up with gluten-free recipes, because my niece has celiac disease. For Easter this year, I made a lemon-honey cheesecake with a raspberry glaze and coconut macaroons. I think it was my best work to date.

    Right now, I’ve got a banana bread in the oven. I swapped out some of the flour in the recipe for ground almonds I had on hand, and added a little sour cream to the mix to cut some of the sweetness. It smells good. Hoping for the best.